a very brilliant christmas letter, from me to you.

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Dearest friends and family,

Well, it’s been another normal year of amazingness here in the Meredith mansion.  We’ve enjoyed near-perfect 80 degree weather every single day of the year.  This, of course, is an anomaly for fog-filled Pacifica, but the sun seems to favor our household, shining its light directly upon our residence, and our residence alone.  Sometimes we feel bad for the other 38,602 residents of the town, but if the star of the solar system chooses you, you willingly oblige. And can you blame it?

“Cancan” is nearly two and a half years old and scintillating in every way.  He’s been accepted early-admission to Harvard, and is debating as to whether or not he’ll major in Political Science and become the first youngest, mixed-race, hottest President of the United States ever (at four years of age), or if he’ll just do a once-over and successfully major in one of every subject.  Either way, we predict he’ll take over the world, so do vote for Cancan in 2016!  He also has dreams of “football! football!” both from Santa Claus and of the NFL; we hope this can happen after his presidency, as it’d be nice for him to rest his mind a bit after the eight years in office.

“Frodo” (as our dazzling older offspring calls him) is almost four months old and quite the lady killer.  We’ve started charging admission to meet our kin, for his presence alone slays the masses.  Patrons of the little saint wind the block for the chance to breathe his milky air, with upwards of 1.2 million already raised.  We hope to reach an additional 2 mil by the end of the week, so if you haven’t had the chance to squeeze his Buddha belly, buy your ticket now!  When he’s not meeting various kings and queens, princes and princesses and Greek and Roman gods of this world, Frodo enjoys narrowing down his choices for a dowry-bride, practicing his American Idol vocal techniques and partying like a rockstar at three in the morning.

The HBH (Hot Black Husband) continues to practice his nightly dance skills, leading the world in YouTube’s #1 dance-at-home video series, “Don’tcha Wish Your Dancing was Hot Like Me?”  We’ve all enjoyed its reigning 38-week success, and James is currently in negotiations with Sony, Sundance, Universal and Pixar for the best offer.  We’d hoped he’d be able to star in the videos, but it looks like Denzel is going to play him again.  In his spare time, he enjoys documenting our family’s every move (much to the chagrin of the photography team at National Geographic, whom he continues to turn down), and the blessed nine hours of sleep he gets every night.  [Did I mention Frodo started sleeping through the night at two days of age?  When you’re as amazing as us, it happens.]

Finally, Cara, the humble and awe-inspiring writer of this Christmas letter, continues to dazzle the world with her words.  When she opens her mouth, it’s like effervescent butterflies fly out, anointing the ears of all who listen; when her fingers touch the keys [be it computer or piano], a magical mixture of Dickens and Beethoven pour forth.  She just can’t stop the brilliance!  Since we also have a maid, a butler, a wet-nurse, a full-time nanny and a masseuse on hand at all times, Cara enjoys eating bonbons and watching soaps all the live long day.

Well friends, we do hope your normal lives, although minor in comparison to our utter radiance, shine in their own small way this holiday season.

Merry Christmas!

The Meredith Clan

15 thoughts on “a very brilliant christmas letter, from me to you.

  1. Okay, Cara, that has to be by FAR the best Christmas letter I’ve ever read! YOU are a shining star! Of COURSE the Light shines brightest where you are. Merry Christmas to all the Merediths. And if you happen to be in K-town visiting family, we’d love to get the future Prez’s autograph and to poke the Buddha belly. Love to you from the Pattersons.

  2. Haha, “effervescent butterflies ” too funny! I love your writing! I just hopped over here after reading the toilet adventure post. My youngest is finally finishing potty training, it’s been a long road…yes and amen, please don’t wipe alone, haha!

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