a 100 times an hour.

Photo cred: Travel Japan Blog.
Photo cred: Travel Japan Blog.

Sometimes, if I’m honest, I feel like my faith is a practice in believing and disbelieving a hundred times an hour – although Emily Dickinson said it first, her truthful words resonate with my heart, with my deepest insides. I believe, I believe! I yell, I scream, I shout. …Help thou mine unbelief. That last sentence seems to come out a whisper, maybe because I don’t want to believe the audacity of its honesty. Maybe because I don’t want others to realize that this spiritual journey is still an up and down roller coaster, even when I look like I have it all together.

But then I look out the window and I hear the chirp of the neighborhood birds.  I see the way the wind flutters through the leaves like fingers waving, right at me. Even in the foggy gray of winter, my racing mind is stilled and my heart begins to churn and turn heavenward again.

I stop.

I pause.

I read the psalmist’s words in Psalm 113 again, and I’m reminded that it’s not about me.  It’s not about whether or not I choose to believe in that very moment – but it’s simply about the King. It’s solely about YHWH, Israel’s God.

For He is the one to be praised, and He is the one to be blessed, both right here, right now and forevermore. We see His signature across the sky when the sun rises and when it sets, and we say, yes, yes, yes. Hallelujah, indeed. For He is higher and greater than all nations and thrones, and He, God of all gods, delights in thinking of us, His people. The poor are made rich, and the needy given help – and together we sit equally at His table, delighting at His banquet of a feast. For all are part and parcel included in this family, His family, and together we celebrate, for we can’t help but utter praises.

And I believe, just once more this hour.

This post originally appeared on the DPC Prayer Connections blog – to read it in its entirety, click here.  Otherwise, what about you?  Do you sometimes feel like you believe and disbelieve a hundred times an hour?

2 thoughts on “a 100 times an hour.

  1. Hi Cara,

    Thanks for reposting this today, it is very timely. Yes, there are days (and sometimes weeks) when I feel as if I flip-flop all day long, being double-minded, yet I cringe for I know what the Lord says about that. Not good. Now is a time when the Lord is testing and reinforcing my faith, I have an impending significant job change, and sorting the issues and overcoming the fear of uncertainty is a challenge. In soberness, I see that the sharpness of uncertainty provides the opportunity to press in to an even sweeter time with the Lord, if I can pay attention properly, to be mindful of the right things.

    Prior to your note, earlier today I was making my way through a reading plan and came upon Matthew 21:21-22, and the reminder about “having faith and not doubting” was presented again in this passage.

    21 So Jesus answered and said to them, “Assuredly, I say to you, if you have faith and do not doubt, you will not only do what was done to the fig tree, but also if you say to this mountain, ‘Be removed and be cast into the sea,’ it will be done. 22 And whatever things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive.”

    My typical experience is that the “reality” of visible circumstances can be quite compelling, and as a result very disappointing and defeating, suggesting that “common sense” leads to a very practical and perhaps compromised solution. However the TRUTH as God knows it, oftentimes contradicts what is visible. Faith is trusting that God has the BEST plan, provides the best LONG-TERM welfare, despite any short-term setback. I need the loving reminder to not be fearful, rather be faithful in the Lord, during times of short-term setback.

    “Ask in prayer” … “believing”. The questions I pose to myself are, am I praying according to His will, am I asking for what is glorifying and aligned properly with Him? If I can answer yes, then I am encouraged to KNOW that it will be received. What a joy it is to be loved by God.

    Blessings to you,

    1. Brent, it’s lovely hearing from you. Indeed, I naturally flip flop the second I start to think that it’s all about me …the second I freak out and choose not to trust in His bigger plan …the minute I think that, like you, God isn’t in the small details of our lives. Here’s to believing at the end of the hour. 🙂

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