Sometimes, if I’m honest, I feel like my faith is a practice in believing and disbelieving a hundred times an hour – although Emily Dickinson said it first, her truthful words resonate with my heart, with my deepest insides. I believe, I believe! I yell, I scream, I shout. …Help thou mine unbelief. That last sentence seems to come out a whisper, maybe because I don’t want to believe the audacity of its honesty. Maybe because I don’t want others to realize that this spiritual journey is still an up and down roller coaster, even when I look like I have it all together.
But then I look out the window and I hear the chirp of the neighborhood birds. I see the way the wind flutters through the leaves like fingers waving, right at me. Even in the foggy gray of winter, my racing mind is stilled and my heart begins to churn and turn heavenward again.
I read the psalmist’s words in Psalm 113 again, and I’m reminded that it’s not about me. It’s not about whether or not I choose to believe in that very moment – but it’s simply about the King. It’s solely about YHWH, Israel’s God.
For He is the one to be praised, and He is the one to be blessed, both right here, right now and forevermore. We see His signature across the sky when the sun rises and when it sets, and we say, yes, yes, yes. Hallelujah, indeed. For He is higher and greater than all nations and thrones, and He, God of all gods, delights in thinking of us, His people. The poor are made rich, and the needy given help – and together we sit equally at His table, delighting at His banquet of a feast. For all are part and parcel included in this family, His family, and together we celebrate, for we can’t help but utter praises.
And I believe, just once more this hour.
This post originally appeared on the DPC Prayer Connections blog – to read it in its entirety, click here. Otherwise, what about you? Do you sometimes feel like you believe and disbelieve a hundred times an hour?