In case you find yourself browsing Amazon for belated birthday gifts to send your dear, dear, Downton-loving mother, let this very helpful list of 10 (Slightly Sarcastic) Gifts for the Downton Lover help you out!
10. Black. Lots and lots of black. I mean, another death is bound to come to Downton soon enough, so we might as well be ready. Clothe your loved one in a black dress, a black sweater, a black shawl to drape over the chair, a black necklace, black mascara, black eyeliner, black shoes. See also: Goth Child.
9. This DVD, to help you deal with your own overbearing father.
8. Your very own How-to-Forge-Fake-Documents Kit. Hey, it’s easier than learning it in jail!
7. A mixer, for that perfect, fabulous, turn-of-the-century mousse!
6. Your very own maid’s uniform to wear after you’ve danced with the local farmer who just wants to keep getting his dance on with the pretty not-yet-a-lady’s-maid servant.
5. Your own pack of Valentine’s cards to secretly send to your co-workers you think need a little secret admirer pick-me-up.
4. This book for Lady Edith – I promise I haven’t seen any future season 4 episodes, but what if she […pause…] fornicates in Germany before she’s officially tied the knot? A bastard child in Downton? Oh, the horror!
3. A framed wall poster of the following Lady Grantham quote:
2. The book, Downton Tabby, obviously. I mean, how can you refuse with the following description? “Here, the aristocrats of the animal kingdom dwell in stately splendor, sleeping, grooming, sleeping some more, and being fed by their downstairs cats, unaware that their way of life—providing work for others—is about to be swept away by the tides of history . . . and runaway cars.” Tempting. So very tempting.
And the #1 gift to get for the Downton Abbey lover in your life?
1. A new nanny! See also: a new housekeeper, a new dog sitter, a new hairstylist, and/or a new vacuum cleaner. Whatever suits your fancy and doesn’t call your child a cross-breed.
What about you? What slightly sarcastic gifts for the Downton lover would you add to this list? And how much, on a scale of 1-10 do you want to read Downton Tabby? Pick me, pick me!