A year ago, restlessness engulfed me.
I bounced from the couch to the table, from the kitchen to Cancan’s room, eager for something to do, desperate to establish meaning outside of a paycheck. I’d just left my job as a non-profit director, because I dreamed of having the energy to care for our little one, and the time and space to actually pursue writing and speaking full-time. But when the phone stopped ringing, and when e-mails stopped pouring in, when meetings didn’t happen anymore, and when all the time in the world was suddenly mine, I didn’t know what to do with myself.
I didn’t know how to just be.
Because my identity was entirely wrapped up in my job. I deemed my value in the gifts and talents I so boldly (exclamation point) exhibited, in the money I raised (and didn’t raise), in the prayers I prayed, and in the relationships I maintained with kids and donors and volunteers.
And when all that remained was a pile of discarded business cards, I didn’t really know what to do with myself.
So be became my one word; it became my word of the year for 2013, and even in a palindrome sort of way, I named be, mama. be after my pursuit.
And in time, it worked – in a kind of, mostly, sorta, we humans will ever, always be in the midst of learning to be.
This, of course, leads us to the present year: with 2014 upon us, I’m ready for new adventures. I’ve gotten the hang of quieter days, of scheduling play dates and lunches and walks; I’ve learned to write and rewrite (and rewrite, again) articles, to submit my heart-crafted words to rejection, and to allow a little one-day happy dance when acceptance comes my way. I’ve finally put to paper the dream of a book, and meanwhile, I’ve not missed a milestone of my favorite Little Buddy’s life. But I’ve also been mad and sad and angry at the leaving process, and it’s made me hole up to really see and feel and experience my deepest insides. I’ve learned to let go and I’ve embraced the healing process.
But I’m ready to come out of my little cave.
I’m ready to see the world. I’m ready to explore, and I’m ready to invest, and I’m ready to ask lots and lots of questions, and not worry so much about what’s going on in the processes of my head and heart. I’m ready for whimsy.
And whimsy, my friends, is this year’s word.
Whimsy: it’s a capricious idea or notion, it’s light or fanciful humor. It’s something quaint or unusual.
It’s an odd or fanciful idea, a whim.
And it’s anything playful or fanciful, as an artistic creation.
I’m ready to see this in the everyday, and feel whimsy in my bones. I’m ready to breathe in fanciful ideas because I can, and laugh playfully at the uncommon, at the old-fashioned of the here and now, of the day’s adventures.
And I, for one, can’t wait for whimsy. Whimsy, whimsy, whimsy.
I’m liking it already.
What about you? If you could choose one word to focus on for this year, what would it be? And DO visit One Word 365 if you haven’t already, and be inspired by all the “one words” of 2014!