when the heart is full.

When did your heart last feel so full it could almost burst?  

When did you last feel your insides smiling?  

One such heart filler, "Auntie" Lizzy.
One such heart filler, “Auntie” Lizzy.

Baby and I have been back home for almost 48 hours now – and our insides can’t stop beaming, for this handsome Dada of a man is not just a two-inch figure on the other side of the iphone, but a touchable, huggable reality in front of us.  Because absence really does make the heart grow fonder, and when it doesn’t work out for our Other to join us like we wished he or she could, we find ourselves that much more delighted to be back in the being, back in what we now realize is the not-so-ordinary everyday.

For there’s a whole lot of extraordinary in the everyday.

And so we say, yesyes, time away was good and necessary, but if we have the opportunity to choose the perfect amount of time for James the Introvert and Cara the Extrovert, then two nights away is perfect.

For on day three, Daddy starts to get a little restless.

And on day four a twinge of sadness sets in.

Day five?  Come on now!  and various forms of “not fair” begin to set in.

Soon a mixture of loneliness and hunger and too much quiet make their way into his life on days six and seven, and then like a summertime mosquito bite, we’re all itching to be back together again.

And really, I think that itch is a good thing.

But let’s be honest: I totally got the better end of the bargain here.  For while we certainly missed Daddy Dearest, our hearts were filled and renewed in a way that only happens when you’re with people who’ve seemingly known you forever and love you still.  

They’ve walked alongside your awkward middle school years, and they’ve stood by you as you’ve navigated what you really think and believe apart from your parents in your college years; they’ve cried with you when you’ve experienced intense loneliness and lack of community, and they’ve been a deep friend of the heart, with the deepest and most unexplainable of bonds.  You’ve cheered each other on through weddings and births, but mostly in the small, extraordinary-ordinary of everyday ways.

Now, home in San Francisco, my soul crinkles its eyes in the deepest of smiles.

My heart is full, and I have a hunch that all the elements of this last week will be treasured now for a good while to come.

So in all this talk this last week of what it means to pursue community and actually enter into two-way friendships, after seven days in Washington I’m reminded to take the risk and buy the flight.

Feel what it means to let people come to you.

Push through the seeming uncomfortableness of letting people make you a priority, as over bridges and highways and ferries alike, they say you matter, you count.  

Let the heart be full.

For it just might be worth it.

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